Engrish

Gray cinder blocks twelve feet high create a wall. Conspicuous as a girl playing Magic: The Gathering the lifeless wall cradles a compound of five blue and white buildings that make up the school; two bathrooms, a kitchen and two long buildings with 4 class rooms in each. Standing in classroom seven, the English teacher hands me a book that say “English” on the cover right above the American flag which colonizes the rest of the free space on the cover. Having recently celebrated the Forth of July I think 'take that red coats!'. He opens to a bookmarked page and explains why he has trouble teaching English. A few years ago the ministry of education decided that all schools needed to teach English to receive money...that's all. So the English teacher who was trained to teach social studies now needs to teach a language he has never received training for in order for the school to receive money.

He drags his finger down the page to 'Exercise G' in the stretched open book, he tells me that this is the lesson for the day; one sentence is the 'instructions' for the lesson, one sentence is the lesson and is complemented by a list of nine nouns. A worn lined notebook full of his own notes and explanations of each of the lessons is also quickly opened, and forced to the page with his explanation of the lesson d'jour. It is clear from the absolutely full pages of his writing in the notebook this guy is trying his hardest to understand and teach everything in the English book.

He translates the 'lesson sentence' in Spanish but translates 'building' as a noun and not a verb and says he doesn't understand the sentence. I explain the difference and he seems like I have just validated myself as a teacher of English and asks me if I want to teach the class alone. I'm somewhat baffled by how to teach the lesson but I agree, and ask if everyone in the class is present, he nods. I look out at the sea of five students who have made it to ninth grade (the last grade available).
“Good afternoon!” I say with vigor.
They smile and giggle a little and look around at each other.
“Good afternoon?” I repeat.
“Good after...'you don't know the significance of 'good afternoon'?” I ask the class, they shake their heads no. I lead them a little and they get it but I have small hope for my lesson that is about to follow.

I reread the two sentences in the book under “Exercise G: Word Substitution” and I write the lesson sentence on the white board, while thinking about how to teach this enigma of a lesson. A...r...e...y...o...u...i...n...t...e...r...e...s...t...e...d...i...n...b...u...i...l...d...i...n...g...a...c...o...s...m...e...t...i...c...s...f...a...c...t...o...r...y...? “Are you interested in building a cosmetics factory?” Was to be my first English lesson in El Salvador, a sentence that I'm sure has never been uttered in this country outside of a 9th grade class. I reread the instructions to get some kind of idea how this is a lesson and how I should teach it to the students and how I should include them in the class; alas the one sentence instructions says “Substitute the word 'cosmetics' with one of the seven nouns” which all make equally bizarre factories like 'contact lens' or 'puppet'.

“Are you interested in building a puppet factory?”
“Yes. Yes I am extremely interested in building a puppet factory with you. Unequivocally yes, I am interested in building a damn puppet factory. But why stop there? Are you interested in building a contact lens factory? Because I don't know about you, but I my friend have the means.”

I say the sentence out loud “Are you interested in building a cosmetics factory?”

Blank stares.

“Are YOU inTERESTED...in BUILDING a COSMETICS FACTORY?!”

Blank stares. I encourage them to say the sentence in chorus with me. The first time I say it mostly alone again. It seems to me they are not interested in building a cosmetics factory. After a few tries they all are saying it in unison, more or less true to how this monstrosity of a sentence should be pronounced. I am confident if an English speaker heard this sentence come out of their mouths no matter the context they would assume an error.

“Who knows what this sentence means in Spanish?” I ask with little hope of getting an answer.

“It means 'are you interested in something a cosmetics factory.” A fifteen year old girl responds. I was somewhat dumbstruck and congratulated her hardily, made sure everyone understood the significance then had each of the five students repeat the sentence out loud with a different word where 'cosmetics' was. Although I had a difficult time explaining what a puppet was as I don't know the word in Spanish is. So I just said it's a doll that pretends to talk, I can only imagine what they thought I meant. After extensive coaxing the get the students to try reading the sentence to the class with the new word they all did it successfully. Around the time the second round of factories was being read a woman came into the class room with a large basket on her head, and an pink apron with white lace around the edges and many pockets for money, she placed her basket on a desk and the kids got up from their desks to get some 'atol' a creamy warm pudding like snack she was selling for a quarter. The real teacher just sat and watched and quietly mouthed the sentences as they were read aloud and reacted to the women selling atol as he would have to the clock moving its minute hand. I stood mouth agape watching how they acted like nothing was weird about this. She asked if I wanted some, I said in my best Spanish “no.”